


Cold Nights

by Starship_Spectacle



Series: Off--Beat! (FNF AU) [3]
Category: Friday Night Funkin' (Video Game), Pico's School (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Cold, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Emotions, Loneliness, Memories, Past Relationship(s), Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 04:13:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29770500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starship_Spectacle/pseuds/Starship_Spectacle
Summary: Pico never really enjoyed the cold season.(Angst time with Pico now let's gooo)(My writing and interpretation for him is still very messy but I hope to get his character right the more I try writing him!)
Series: Off--Beat! (FNF AU) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2180280
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Cold Nights

**Author's Note:**

> So much for 'not all angst'
> 
> I just couldn't help myself! ^^;
> 
> My Offbeat! Version of Pico has a lot of headcanons and stuff put into him as well that I'll try to focus on the more I write him
> 
> Enjoy!🌟

_ "Sometimes I wonder what you're thinking." _

  
  


It's a late night. The city lights are bright and colorful, a complete contrast to the dark void of the night sky surrounding them.

It's cold as well. Chilly, expected since it was late Fall. Winter would be coming right around the corner and sheets of snow would likely cover the streets.

_ Not looking forward to that. _ A sigh was let out. Looking out of his apartment window was a redheaded male with what appeared to be a lit cigarette in hand. It was already too cold for his liking. The end of the joint betwixt his fingers met his lips as he took in some more smoke only to let it billow out of his mouth once more.

The apartment he was living in was in pretty shoddy conditions. There was barely any proper heating available and with the weak repairs done to it to keep it at least manageable, the cool air would still slip in through any crack or crevice possible. It was awful. Barely in any condition for someone to live in but he wasn't able to cut the rent for the last place he lived in with proper heating and insulation.

_ Looks like I'm fucked. _ Light colored eyes almost boredly swept across the city streets from the window. Pico  _ hated _ the cold. 

What time was it now anyway? It's not like he necessarily had anywhere to go tomorrow. Not to mention how much of a mess his sleeping schedule was shaping itself out to be. Absentmindedly, he took his phone out from his pants pocket to look at the time.

11:35 PM, not that late yet he decided. It was likely that he was just going to spend his night as he usually spent them: alone and bored out of his mind until he finally got tired and passed out.

It was probably enough to drive Pico insane. At least just a bit.

The monotonous scrolling through his phone and random apps on it was used as a desperate distraction from his thoughts and the ever so irritating cold. There were no games on it. He never really used social media much either, never found much of a point in putting his face out for everyone to see. He only really had an account or two that he'd use just to contact his friends (who had so annoyingly coaxed him into getting these dumb apps in the first place) and to listen to music.

After some more mindless browsing, something caught the redhead's attention.

" _ Boyfriend _ .." There it was. The username had a slash through the  _ o _ to represent the typical symbol the rapper had normally associated himself with. Pico merely blinked at the page he found himself on. Not entirely sure of what to feel.

It wasn't exactly much of a surprise. He'd figured that the guy would need to have  _ some _ sort of media to present himself on but still.. It did catch Pico off guard at the moment. Hesitantly, his finger was headed towards the back arrow to leave the page until he stopped himself for a moment. Why not take a look? They had exchanged contact numbers not too long ago and seemed to be on  _ better _ terms now. Especially after everything that had occurred..

Despite that, social media stalking still felt kind of intrusive. Pico spent a good few minutes staring at the profile without really even realizing it, the burning end of his cigarette was only extending to the rest of it slowly but surely. 

_ God, what the hell is wrong with me? _ Blinking once more, he snapped himself out of his daze and let out a large puff of smoke, coughing slightly before dropping the remaining cigarette to the ground to crush under his shoe.

It wouldn't hurt. He has no idea why he's being so hesitant at the moment. It's better to just get this shit over with. 

  
  


He scrolled through the webpage's content. As expected it seemed to be chock-full of different pictures, videos and other such media that said "Boyfriend" recorded and posted.

Some song or track promotion posts, album cover images, links to his other social media.

Pico couldn't help but stare a bit, none of this was new or surprising and it felt as though he were prying almost. It was just strange to see. The blue haired rapper's openness, the fanbase he gained that was steadily growing, his reputation.

All there laid out in the public eye. Free information to be consumed. It was kind of jarring. To think this Boyfriend was the same person he had known two years prior. So closed and private yet now just look at him.

A lone thought popped up in Pico's clouded mind.

_ Is he happy? _

This was his goal all along wasn't it? Surely he must have been living the life. He had a beautiful and supportive girlfriend as a partner, he had the chance to record and collab with former musicians and stars, his name was gaining popularity and now he was out on his own. Away from who he used to be. Away from all restraints.

Was he happy? Pico reasoned that he most likely was. He wasn't the one who had to live in a shitty run down apartment on his own during the cold season.

Evan, as Pico first knew him, would be in his own space. Writing up lyrics, the ginger would imagine. Sitting with his beloved girlfriend and enjoying her company. 

The warmth he must be experiencing right now.

The smiles and loving exchanges he must be sharing.

The laughter, the brightness of it all.

_ "Wonder if you even think about me anymore."  _ A soft mutter was let out under a somber sigh.

There was no need for that. No need for him to be remembered. There was no need for  _ him _ . The thoughts would swirl throughout the empty air around him before freezing with the cold. They stayed. They stood as reminders.

_ No he wouldn't care. He shouldn't care. _

_ He's happy. It should stay that way. _

_ Stay out of it. _

The redhead found himself drifting through another page for a moment.

_ Just look at him. _ Boyfriend was growing to be pretty successful by the looks of it.

_ He probably has more friends now. More people probably like him. _

He didn't need him. He didn't need another obstacle in the way. Pico could only understand one thing.

He wasn't needed.

He wasn't going to partake in that warmth ever again. In the welcome feeling of being cared for. Of having that human touch back. The smiles, the tender looks and gazes. The softness.

It wasn't his to keep anymore. It was none of his business.

He'd let hell freeze over first before admitting to needing that feeling again. That feeling of being whole.

It's been years since then. He'll let Boyfriend live out his life. That's what he decided internally to himself, clinging onto the artificial heat his jacket provided. Arms closed over his chest tightly, was it out of defense? He wasn't sure. It was almost as if it were out of instinct.

Perhaps he didn't want to feel the way he did currently. So small. These nights, these memories, nothing had been making him feel any better. Nothing had helped him feel any less lonely. Not the occasional text messages from the blue haired male, not the fact they were  _ friends _ now supposedly.

It didn't change a thing. It didn't change how cold he felt. It didn't change anything at all.

Pico would live his life the same way he has been for years. Evan would go down a different, brighter path entirely. He understood this. Was he mad about it? 

All he could feel was the curling pit of emptiness, the knot tied tightly across his chest. Pico wasn't jealous.

Pico just knew this was it. This  _ had _ to be the endgame. This was just how it was supposed to be, right? Eventually that perfect life will drown everything out. It'll drown him. And everyone will act like he never existed. The most he could even be was a smudge within the memory of someone else's experiences.

That's it. That's all.

What would it feel like if instead of this, he had the chance to such a life? He highly doubted that was possible but muttered to himself anyway.

"If I were in your shoes…" He'd what? What would he do?

  
  


_ Ruin everything most likely. _ The sharp thought came in like a knife. The pain dulled to an ache. He accepted this.

It was just too obvious not to accept.

He'd fade away soon enough from Evan's life like a faint memory.

Like a forgotten tune.

He'd fade away. 

Maybe he hoped that wouldn't be the case, finding himself breathing a bit too heavily for his own good. Pico tried getting ahold of himself. If he were to let go he was afraid he'd fall apart. He'd dismantle like an old used doll. Except nobody would be able to sew him back up in one piece.

Nobody needed someone like him.

After a few moments of regaining his focus, taking a few slow breaths to stop from trembling further, he took another glance at his phone. 

His eyes were stinging. He hadn't realized the creeping dread. The faint weight that had started to form over his body was starting to only increase.

He hissed slightly at himself. How could he lose his shit at just looking at a webpage? Had he not been wearing layers he was sure his nails would have dug into his arms as he held them together.

_ "You're a fucking mess." _ He could imagine the cap wearing boy saying.

He could imagine him looking down on his current state.

_ After all it was mostly his fault anyway. Wasn't it? _

He could imagine the disappointment on the other's face. The discontent. It was so vivid he swore it was almost like it was happening in front of him.

Pico kept his eyes closed.

He didn't want to see it.

He didn't want to be  _ seen. _

Another harsh breath. The only warmth he could feel was the trickling of fresh tears flowing down his cheeks.

This was just typical. Just another night.

Alone. In the cold. Trapped within the illusion of being left behind. How could he care anymore? How could he find himself thinking of anything else?

Did he miss him?

The short answer was yes. The long answer was something he couldn't bring himself to process. Not now.

Maybe he'd refuse to process it. Maybe he'd flat out refuse to acknowledge it.

  
  


It didn't seem all that unlikely. 

  
  


It was twenty three minutes after midnight when his eyes finally dried up. Messy hiccups accompanied choked sobs and whines he had worked arduously to keep quiet.

_ If I were in your shoes… _

_ What would I do? I'd need you to tell me what to do. _

_ What if you were like me? _

_ Would you fuck up like I do? _

_ Would you be scared too? _

  
  


His throat felt so  _ dry. _ Voice sounding even raspier as he mumbled to himself to try to fill the quiet air once more. Trying to compensate for the lack of another presence. The lack of a reassuring voice.

  
  


"That's enough internet for the night.."


End file.
